Moonlit Musings III
Every New & Full Moon, Celeste & I do a Tarot pull, a sweet little ritual to mark the passing of time together. This Moon, my cards were The Fool & The Four of Pentacles. It had me thinking: how would I move through life if I already believed I am the things I deeply desire? Confident. Abundant. Healthy. Serene.
These last few weeks, I've been struggling with postpartum depression. Like summer storms, the episodes are short but intense, arriving with or without warning, everything shrouded in darkness & overflowing with water (whether it's rain or tears), anger bursting out like strikes of thunder & lightning. Sometimes the aftermath lingers, drizzling & grey, other times immediately bright & sunny. I'm familiar with depression & had prepared for the possibility of this happening shortly after giving birth - it isn't lost on me the symbolism of it arriving so close to the mirror end of the pregnancy cycle. Lately, it feels like I'm on a precipice of a cliff, ready to either soar or fall deep into the abyss.
Of course, my heart wants to soar. And it's no longer just my life that depends on me doing so.
I'd fallen out of habits I practiced diligently in the early months of motherhood, neglecting self-care like bodywork & journaling, so that's where I'm devoting my energy right now. Every night, I used to write down moments I wanted to remember. I called them Highlights, but recently, my friend shared that she calls them Soul Snacks, which I love as it describes them perfectly: little moments that nourish the soul.
Even just a few days of renewing this practice has helped. When depression is flickering, my mind tends to fixate on the negative. This practice reminds me of how much beauty fills my day, helps me see how my life is already a dream come true, & offers evidence of how I'm thriving even when some moments are trying.
The things that fill me up are simple, small moments that might otherwise get lost in the rush of the day, & writing them down anchors me in a way I dearly need right now. This practice also gives me a roadmap for moving forward in a way that feels good to my heart, keeping the darkness at bay.
These daily writings, along with these Moonlit Musings, are another ritual marking the passing of time. I can't wait to look back on both of these journals years from now, & to share some of these moments with my daughter, remembering this time together as we settle into our new lives.
I don't know what this next moon cycle holds, but I plan on journeying forward like the Fool, making choices from a place of sweet, child-like hope. Noticing the ways in which my life is lining up beautifully, & that it’s already filled so much to treasure.
May you find the rituals that anchor & guide you, fill your heart & days with meaning, & remind you of how beautiful life can be.